I woke up feeling drained as if sleep didn’t cure the blues and exhaustion that it’s supposed to cure.
The whole of my body was aching. I didn’t expect an hour-long gym workout the night before to give me this much pain, made worse by the rain that’s been raining all weekend and then some. (I like the rain, but it gives me headaches.)
I scoured the web to score the perfect attire for my friend’s wedding this weekend (I know, it’s already late!). I managed to find a few on RTR but decided to forego (overwhelmed too much choice – decision fatigue!) and took a nap to assuage my headache.
Is it the new moon in Virgo as my astrologer proclaims, or the rain or just me feeling stressed out from everything from making a pitch deck to finding a perfect wardrobe for my room?
I managed to shovel away for the longest time but the mountain of worry has finally unleashed and began to snowball in the last week as I am chased by people, time, and lack of resources aka money, time, and energy.
My anguish flourishes like a bulb of a flower blooming in spring.
My mother was a worrier. She heaped a mountain of worry on me (or at least that’s how I felt as a daughter), which lessened, neutralized, and/or transferred her worries onto me. A 17-year old me. It has left a worry mark on my psyche. I know that worry is a negative emotion. At some point in my mid-20s, I learned to alchemize my worry into a concern with an action plan which evaporated the feeling of helplessness because I am doing something about it to change the situation.
“Worry – being concerned about something but not doing something about it, or feeling helpless to do so.”
I do what I can and should do – laundry, meetings, smiling and eating my meal. I make myself an old-fashioned.
I don’t know how to reset a day whose morning I woke up to feeling lousy.
I know what worries me.
I know how to tame and contain them. I’ve got plans, but I am still feeling an iota of worry making an enormous impact on me like a drop of ink clouding the sink of clear water.
I succumb to desires to let go of it. In the same way, I succumb to my worries to make it go away. Today, as I sit in my bed typing this at 3am in the morning, I pray – worry begone.